A-HA!

There are days when I go to church and hear something.  I mean really hear something that hits me right.there.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  Maybe you don't hear it at church.  Maybe you hear it from a friend or reading a blog or from a family member.  But where ever you hear it, you just stop and go WOW.  Well I had one of those moments this morning.  Currently we have a seminarian in our parish. A seminarian is someone who is in the learning process of becoming a priest.  This is essentially his "intern" year.  So anyway, he gave the sermon today.  The words he spoke were

"we all sin because of something broken inside of us"

You may say, well yeah.  Duh.  Sin is bad, so if you are sinning then obviously something isn't right.  I thought back to what I find to be one of my biggest faults.  My short temper with my family.  It's not that I'm always yelling (although there are certainly days it feels that way), it's that I get annoyed so quickly when I have to ask for what feels like the bazillionth time for one of the kids to do something.  It's that I constantly forget that they are kids.  They are supposed to be irresponsible and forgetful and all around not perfect and not care about the same things I care about superficially.  You know what?  I'm not perfect either.  I'm the first to admit it, so why do I expect them to be?  But this isn't what struck me about his statement.  What struck me was that the reason I was responding this way was because of something in my own heart that is broken.

Sit with that for a minute.

Isn't that the root of a lot our feelings towards other people?  In the wonderful world of psychoanalysis it's called 'transference'.  I am reacting in a way that, instead of dealing with actual concrete problem in an effective way (i.e. going to said child and look them in the eye and tell them what needs to be done - now, and watch them head towards what needs to be done), I just keep repeating myself and getting mad that no one is listening.  So I must like hearing myself talk.  Something in me likes to be able to say "I'm ignored and therefore I can yell and it's okay."

But it's not okay.  Not for any of us.  I don't like yelling.  I despise it when my kids don't look me in the eye when they ask me something.  But yet, I find myself yelling and not giving them the respect they deserve.  The physical contact that will probably make them more likely to comply happily with my request.

Respect.  I spoke about it before.  I do demand it and I give it where it is deserved with adults.  But I don't give it often enough to my kids.  This realization makes me sad but it also gives me something to work on.  To lead the more simplified life, like Keli was talking about.  If I simplify my daily so life feels less harried and crazy, I will have the time I NEED (they need) to treat them with the respect that they deserve.  I will bet you that the household will run smoother if I work on this one little (but incredibly HUGE) thing.

So there is my nice little A-HA moment this morning.