Halling Go To Alaska

Being one. Entwined, connected. Separation. Joyous, tears. Growing together. Discovery. Inseparable. Lovingly breaking ties. Warm embraces, Budding independence, Confidence emerging. Separation. Heart expanding. Walking away. Safety. Fear. Tears, sadness. Insecurity. Hope. Motherhood. Join Jade for more metaphors. 

The cool, damp grass under my bare feet was refreshing.  A release from the hot confines of shoes.  Blades of the freshly mowed lawn tickled between my toes as the sweat rolled down my face, my arms, my back cooling the rest of me.  The sun soaking into the exposed skin.  My leg muscles weary and tingling from use beyond what was thought possible.  But the cool grass allows a release from the focus required by a long run. Join Jade every Tuesday for a exercise in creativity.  

I haven't done a free write in so long. I kind of missed it.  All my writing is done on the blog, and I try to amuse at least myself, so I'm constructing in my brain.  Thanks, Jade, for having this challenge.  Sitting here drinking coffee on a quiet morning in June makes me think of all the things I need to accomplish today and whether or not I will get them all done in the hours I have to get them done in.  I have a brown puppy next to me that I unfortunately am going to be making a call to the vet about today.  You know the call? "That call."  And it makes me sad and I want to cry, but I don't know what other options I have that won't break the bank account or my sweet first baby's heart.  It's sad. And I hate this part of pet ownership.  It really sucks.  But I'm going to be strong and cry because my girls need to know it's okay to say goodbye and it's okay to cry and you can still be an awesome woman even if you cry.  I have a run t...

When I was younger, I used to be a worrier.  I worried about whether or not I was a good enough friend.  I worried about whether I fit in well enough with the group I hung out with.  There were times I wondered whether I was on the right path because it's what *I* wanted or because it's what I knew others wanted for me.  I worried about whether or not I could measure up with the high standards I believed I wanted to meet.  I also worried that I would be alone. Now, I don't worry so much.  I do sometimes worry that I'm messing up my kids.  And I do worry here and there about T and his "bar of excellence".  But for the most part, I know I only have control over so much and worrying takes so much energy and effort.  And at the heart of it, I want to do the least amount of work to get the job done.  I do think about worst case scenarios and how I'd react in that given situation. You know, like, what would happen if something horrible happene...

I love good quotes, but I never remember them long enough to write them down.  Or I think I will remember that because it's such an awesome quote.  And then I never do. But the one quote I try to live by daily is the one you probably learned in kindergarten.  At least I did.  I'm not sure they are teaching it anymore because it might be too...churchy? preachy? Not really sure. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Can you imagine if everyone acted this way?  We'd probably live on a much happier planet. ********************************************************************************** Do you have a good quote you want to share?  I'd love to hear it, and so would Jade .  Link up!

Ten Reasons I Love My Family (family = those who fit the description as follows; which can include friends and possibly exclude blood relatives.) I have their unwavering support - even when they might disagree with me.  If they know I believe in what I'm doing, they offer their 100% support w/o criticism.  I enjoy their company - ranging from hanging out and not saying much to enjoying an activity together.  They can make me laugh - from the kids being silly to a look crossing someone's face.  It can lead to easing the tension and break up the craziness of the day, reminding me to have fun. They make contact just to say "hi, how's it going?"  They cook for me.  I don't enjoy cooking.  I only do it because my family needs nourishment.  When the cooking is done for me, I feel relieved.  They make me think and re-evaluate, especially the kids.  Why am I doing things the way I am? Should I be doing it that way? They help me be a better perso...

My worst fear.  It's family.  It's isolation.  It's emptiness. How would I cope if I lost those closest to me? How would I react if I lost a child? Or my husband.  Or my parents.  I fear that part of me wouldn't cope.  Wouldn't accept reality.  But my biggest fear within the fear is that I would be criticized for not grieving "right" and this would bring isolation. I fear being alone. Jade is hosting.  Check her out. She's awesome.

It all started when I was a kid.  My first move was made when I was 6 weeks old.  The second at 18 months.  After that move, I've made 11 subsequent moves in my lifetime.  Even when I'm not moving to new cities, I need change.  My life was lived in 2-year increments for a very long time.  Either we  moved or I hung out with different people every 2 hours.  I may not be able to tell you the year in which a memory happened, but I could give you a 2-year age spread based upon where I was or who I was with.  This has evolved into remembering how old the girls were at a certain time. I like change and crave it.  But not life-overhauling change anymore.  I rearrange furniture to see things in a new perspective.  It drives me crazy when things stay "the same" for too long.  I need to view things from different perspectives.  But as I sit down to write this, I've realized that I haven't done in a while.  Is it because my...

I believe we have a soul.  I believe that when we die there is more to it than just being put into the ground and becoming food for the worms and bugs.  And part of it is the "why".  If this life is all we have, then why are we here?  I still have that question of why I'm here, but I believe that we must have a deeper purpose than just living life.  I also believe that ghosts do exist.  I have felt their presence at times.  They have made me recognize their existence.  It's spooky in a way, but comforting at the same time.  I do have my faith which believes in heaven.  I'd like to think that my grandparents and other family and friends who have passed are watching over us and looking down and smiling.  (I'm sure they shake their heads sometimes too.)  I believe our soul is part of our conscience.  It is what makes us who we are as individuals. Check out Jade's for more Tell It To Me Tuesday's.  

...to our Nation's daughters.  That was Jade's challenge this week.  I have to admit my first reaction was that this was going to be easy, I've got three of them living under my roof.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't want to write something fluffy or silly just for the simple fact that I have three of them under my roof. So here goes nothing. To the Beautiful Daughters of Our Nation: This world you now live in is so different from the one I grew up in.  High-end technology when I was just starting in school was a VCR.  And they were big.  A night out as a family usually meant McDonald's, and we loved it.  I love that my parents allowed me to be a child and to have fun and be silly and to have few responsibilities.  I sure had fun.  But I realize now that maybe I had it too easy.  I say this because I am constantly telling my own daughters that life isn't always easy.  That you must work and someti...

Time, it is a strange beast.  Since the beginning of this year (2010) I have been thinking, okay, once we get through this  point it will get easier.  And then that point hits, and I think, okay, once we get through this  point it will get easier.  Well, you know what? It hasn't.  And I shouldn't be surprised about that fact either.  That is the nature of life. That is the nature of the life we choose  to live.  I have three kids.  Gone are the days of a toddler and a baby where I could just hang out at the house with them and play and spend days in my pj's.  Gone are the days of snuggling with T in front of a movie uninterrupted.  Gone are the days of miracles and wonder.... no, wait.  Sorry Paul Simon reference. Time has a way of moving so fast and yet so slow.  I mean how can my kids be 9, 7, and 4! Come on! My baby is 4?  Really?  But I'm glad she's not a baby anymore.  She didn't sleep through the ...

First I have to say that I can't believe it's already Thursday.  This week has been insane, and it's not getting any better, but I really wanted to participate in this week's Tell It To Me Tuesday . This week's theme was friendship. Friendship is such a tricky endeavor.  I'm not sure there has ever been a time in my life where I have taken friendships for granted.  Maybe that has to do with the fact that I moved every two years until I was 11.  I knew how important friendships were.  I cherished the ones I had that were true.  Moving to the town I now live in back in 1987 was rough. This was a small town, and in some ways it still is.  We had always moved to places that were fairly transient.  We lived in Guam for two years before moving to Northern Nevada.  Guam was a place where there was diversity and differences were lauded instead of looked down upon.  This town I live in was very small and very static.  There wasn't a lot of p...

I've learned so many things over the years that I have walked this earth.  I've learned that I can rely and depend on my parents.  I've learned that in order to be open to new opportunity, my heart has to be open as well.  I've learned that sometimes being vulnerable can hurt and help.  I've learned that trust is one of the most important aspects of life.  I've learned that no matter how much I think I want to be alone, I'm always surrounded by those who care.  I've learned that sometimes being scared is a good thing.  I've learned that having kids is the most heart-breaking and awe-inspiring experience.  I've learned that working hard in relationships pays off - just not always in the way I anticipated. I've learned so much, and I will continue to learn every day.

When I was a child I trusted in my dad 100%.  I always felt that he had things under control.  I knew that if he was around everything was going to be fine.  He never showed any frustration or worry.  At least not that I ever saw.  I think the first time I saw him flustered and nervous about something was when I was 10.  We were living in Guam at the time and were on a 15-day tour through China.  We were in one of the smaller cities at the airport waiting for our flight.  It was overbooked and our tour guide had to do some finagling to get everyone in our tour a boarding pass.  (Of course I didn't know this at the time.)  I begged my dad to let me hold my boarding pass.  I was obviously capable; I was 10 after all and had been on more planes than I could count.  He relented and when it came time to board I couldn't find my boarding pass.  I told my dad and this look crossed his face.  I can't describe it other than fe...

This week Jade asks us the following questions. If you had a weekend all to yourself, with no one to see and nothing to do, what book or movie do you turn to time and again? What book or movie satisfies you no matter how many times you sit down with it? This is kind of hard for me.  I used to have movies I could sit down and watch and books I could re-read over and over again, but those books were read as a kid and the movies were watched endlessly in the dorms almost 15 years ago.  I haven't found a book that captivated me enough to want to read it again in a long time.  I loved  the Harry Potter books.  I devoured them each time Amazon dropped the latest release on my doorstep.  But I've had no desire to read back through them.   My favorite movies and books that are good repeats seem to be ones that made me cry.  "Bridge to Terabithia" was one I remember reading for the first time in 4th grade.  I cried at the end every time I read it. ...

I wish I could say.... how scared I feel at times.   how peaceful I feel inside at the same time. that I had all the answers.  Visit Jade to see what others have to tell.

Sometimes I.... Sometimes I look in the eyes of sweet girls and wonder how I got to be so lucky. Sometimes I wonder how I got to where I am in life relatively unscathed by life.  Sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to get through the day.  Sometimes I despise being an adult.   And sometimes I am just so thankful that those faces above are healthy. Head over to Jade' s and see how others completed that sentence.

So Jade's question this week is "has there ever been a time you felt powerful? Like you ruled the world for a day or even just a moment? Tell about a time you felt invincible or at least empowered." I saw this post and new immediately the last time I was overcome with that feeling.  I know I'm being redundant, but my experience was so empowering that I can't help but repeat. It was hitting the top of the hill just shy of mile 7 during my half-marathon last October.  I went into the race just wanting to finish.  I hadn't trained very well.  My motivation had been in the crapper for months before the actual race.  I had trouble getting on the treadmill let alone going more than 3 miles.  I was pretty defeated, but since T and I had paid the registration and hotel room already, I knew I couldn't throw that money away.  That was the only thing motivating me to actually get to San Francisco.  Okay, that at the Tiffany & Co. necklace.  I reall...

Jade's question this week is if I could have a different life for just one day what would it be? I have often thought of this question, usually in the midst of whining children and housecleaning staring me in the face.  My answer is actually quite similar to Jade's.  Although I don't have a particular place in mind, I would like it to be somewhere warm, but not warm enough to make me sweat.  Somewhere quiet where I can hear myself think.  Somewhere filled with nature.  I think of mountains with a river.  Sort of like being at the top of the Continental Divide in Colorado.  I want beautiful sunrises and sunsets to watch and enjoy the changing colors.  I want time to read, time to write, time to just be.  But one thing that would be necessary even though I'm not surrounded by people and busy-ness?  I want good food prepared and to have it show up when it's time to eat. My day in another life would be to enjoy my senses to the fullest: sigh...

So, Jade asked a question over at her blog  about names.  Not any name.  Yours.  Mine.  Whatever.  She specifically asks: What’s in a name? What does your name mean to you and do you think it shapes who you are? I'm always game for a challenge.  But I never really thought about this question before.  I have thought endlessly about baby names.  We have three girls.  I didn't want too "girlie" of a name for them as I'm not a girlie person and I couldn't see me having to call one of my kids Olivia or Emily.  Not that those are really girlie names, but to me they exuded, unattached to a face, a girl in a ruffled dress not wanting to get dirty.  I grew up a sort of a tomboy.  I was always trying to keep up with my brother.  I didn't want to be girlie.  Boys names were harder.  It's good we didn't have one.  If he did have a boy I wanted a traditional name but not one that would be shortened with a 'Y' on the...