Worry
When I was younger, I used to be a worrier. I worried about whether or not I was a good enough friend. I worried about whether I fit in well enough with the group I hung out with. There were times I wondered whether I was on the right path because it's what *I* wanted or because it's what I knew others wanted for me. I worried about whether or not I could measure up with the high standards I believed I wanted to meet. I also worried that I would be alone.
Now, I don't worry so much. I do sometimes worry that I'm messing up my kids. And I do worry here and there about T and his "bar of excellence". But for the most part, I know I only have control over so much and worrying takes so much energy and effort. And at the heart of it, I want to do the least amount of work to get the job done. I do think about worst case scenarios and how I'd react in that given situation. You know, like, what would happen if something horrible happened to one of the girls or T?
And do you know why I don't worry as much as I think I would have years ago? Because of blogs. There are so many people I read that have shown me that there is light on the other side of some of the worst situations. If they can come through their child's cancer, spouse's death, child's death, loss of jobs - well, I have faith that if nothing else I would have support to help me through those dark days if they ever, heaven forbid, happen to me.
Now, I don't worry so much. I do sometimes worry that I'm messing up my kids. And I do worry here and there about T and his "bar of excellence". But for the most part, I know I only have control over so much and worrying takes so much energy and effort. And at the heart of it, I want to do the least amount of work to get the job done. I do think about worst case scenarios and how I'd react in that given situation. You know, like, what would happen if something horrible happened to one of the girls or T?
And do you know why I don't worry as much as I think I would have years ago? Because of blogs. There are so many people I read that have shown me that there is light on the other side of some of the worst situations. If they can come through their child's cancer, spouse's death, child's death, loss of jobs - well, I have faith that if nothing else I would have support to help me through those dark days if they ever, heaven forbid, happen to me.
i'm a chronic worrier. my family actually claims its a spiritual gift. thank God its not something we have to deal with if we'll just turn our cares over to him
ReplyDeleteHear, hear!
ReplyDeleteI used to worry about being alone too when I was a kid. I'm not sure it was a distinct worry in my head, but when I look back on the way I behaved and how much I would bend over backwards for friends (in ways that weren't equal), I can see that's how I felt. But I don't worry about that anymore. I have quality people in my life. Who needs quantity? I wouldn't have time for it anyway.
I am a natural worrier to and reading something like this gives me hope that it will pass if I just focus on what I can control!
ReplyDeleteI used to worry too much. Unfortunately, I still worry too much. About pretty much everything. Maybe one day I'll get it figured out...
ReplyDelete