Broken
(Originally posted at the running blog.)
Yesterday broke me. Literally and figuratively. The last four weeks has brought me more power, more strength, and more energy in my running. My legs feel strong. Heck my whole body has felt stronger than it has in a long time. My workouts may have kicked my butts during, but not once have I felt sore and achy like I pushed *too* hard afterwards. Which is why I asked Coach Joe to work with me on my pace times. It's been a fantastic feeling pushing myself to my limits. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure I reached my limits. You know that wonky foot? Yeah, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a stress fracture in it. I'm not going to see the doctor. There's nothing he will tell me that I don't already know. The treatment? Rest until I have no pain.
In my world that "R" word is the nastiest of four letter words. It is infuriating to know that my muscles are ready and willing - hell, my mind is ready and willing, and then my foot decides it's had enough.
I'm trying to find the silver lining. And I've found one, and I'm hanging onto it like a life raft - it's early in my training. I have time to heal and time to still be on track for both my half in October and the full in January.
Were there tears yesterday? Yes. (Are there tears as I type this? Yes.) Did my sweet T sit down and talk with me about it even though I didn't want to take about my foot? Yes. He asked me why I wanted to do this whole training thing. See, he's been a runner for 12 years. He is in good shape and can go out and run at any point in time w/no training. He's strong mentally. Me? Well, I've learned I thrive on having a training plan to follow. I love being able to look at the plan and checkmark workouts as being done and knowing that I went out there and gave it my all. I love pushing myself running - even when I don't. I love that's it's for me. I love that for once in my life I wantto be better at something. I've always been okay with putting in my time and getting it done. But in the past year I've realized that I want to be my best at something for me. My life revolves around my family and friends. I've a giver, people! Running is for me. Yes, there are side benefits like my girls see me running and exercising. They see me making time for it. This is important for them to be witness as my daughters.
When I have a crappy run, it's great to hear from my friends that I banked it. But honestly? I already knew that. Same goes for the awesome runs. Running is 100% all me in the mental category. I can make or break it for myself; usually ending up on the side of making it.
But the "R" word is hard to handle.
Yesterday broke me. Literally and figuratively. The last four weeks has brought me more power, more strength, and more energy in my running. My legs feel strong. Heck my whole body has felt stronger than it has in a long time. My workouts may have kicked my butts during, but not once have I felt sore and achy like I pushed *too* hard afterwards. Which is why I asked Coach Joe to work with me on my pace times. It's been a fantastic feeling pushing myself to my limits. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure I reached my limits. You know that wonky foot? Yeah, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a stress fracture in it. I'm not going to see the doctor. There's nothing he will tell me that I don't already know. The treatment? Rest until I have no pain.
In my world that "R" word is the nastiest of four letter words. It is infuriating to know that my muscles are ready and willing - hell, my mind is ready and willing, and then my foot decides it's had enough.
I'm trying to find the silver lining. And I've found one, and I'm hanging onto it like a life raft - it's early in my training. I have time to heal and time to still be on track for both my half in October and the full in January.
Were there tears yesterday? Yes. (Are there tears as I type this? Yes.) Did my sweet T sit down and talk with me about it even though I didn't want to take about my foot? Yes. He asked me why I wanted to do this whole training thing. See, he's been a runner for 12 years. He is in good shape and can go out and run at any point in time w/no training. He's strong mentally. Me? Well, I've learned I thrive on having a training plan to follow. I love being able to look at the plan and checkmark workouts as being done and knowing that I went out there and gave it my all. I love pushing myself running - even when I don't. I love that's it's for me. I love that for once in my life I wantto be better at something. I've always been okay with putting in my time and getting it done. But in the past year I've realized that I want to be my best at something for me. My life revolves around my family and friends. I've a giver, people! Running is for me. Yes, there are side benefits like my girls see me running and exercising. They see me making time for it. This is important for them to be witness as my daughters.
When I have a crappy run, it's great to hear from my friends that I banked it. But honestly? I already knew that. Same goes for the awesome runs. Running is 100% all me in the mental category. I can make or break it for myself; usually ending up on the side of making it.
But the "R" word is hard to handle.
That dreaded "r" word. I'm sorry to hear that you're injured. On the upside, you do have time to heal and train before your next races - and that's awesome. Rest up (I know you don't really want to) and you'll be back out there before you know it...uninjured and better than ever!
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm sorry your ankle is not feeling so well. Maybe there's something you can do in the meantime that doesn't involve your ankle? Like strength or core training?
ReplyDelete*hugs* trust me i know. if that's the case there is nothing you can do but accept it. and stay active in any way you still can. i tested the whole pouting strategy and i promise it doesn't work.
ReplyDeletebut you have to do what you have to do to get better. because if you're not at disney in january i'm hunting your ass down!!!
Oh, do I feel this one. Change foot to knee, and you've got me right now. I'm still making peace with the "r" word, and with my elliptical and my bike. Hang in there....
ReplyDeletePS - I'm glad you can still get your fall/winter goal races in. =^)
i'm so sorry, k. i know how frustrating it is ... it's no fun being ordered to rest when you're not used to it. but just remember, resting will bring healing.
ReplyDeleteI hear you! I like to follow a plan too, and dislike being thrown off! Injuries are hard, but the best part is you never get set back as far as you THINK you are! Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry friend... I am not a fan of the R word either. You are such an inspiration to me and I can only imagine how agonizing it will be to rest. Don't lose sight of how incredible you are doing as you push yourself to new levels in your training. I can totally relate in terms of the having a training plan to follow and being so achievement oriented. I am with you and sending you positive vibes for quick healing!
ReplyDeleteDude, give yourself a break. You're hard core. The "R" word will make you stronger. I promise. Don't make me go all WLM on you. ;)
ReplyDeleteRest is good! And running is totally mental!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you're broken. But you are strong and capable. You will recover and kick ass at your 2 upcoming events. Hugs.
ReplyDelete