Sometimes life is hard

I know that's a shocker to everyone, right?  But I've prided myself on the fact that I don't usually let things bring me down.  Add to that fact is that my life is pretty sweet.  I have a husband that loves me, three girls who are smart, funny, precocious and sometimes greatly annoying (but I'm sure I'm annoying too if you spend enough hours with me).  My parents are supportive and wonderful with my kids.  My friends are supportive and helpful and funny and make me smile when I most need a smile.  They comfort my heart.  (Many of them I've yet to meet.)

But this last month and a half has been rough.  Death, sickness, stress, distance.  It's a lot to handle in such a short period of time.  Because doesn't the proverbial "it" always happen to someone else?  I talked about my feelings on mortality after my aunt died.  It's a scary world out there.  I'm trying not to let the realities of life bring me down, but my heart has been heavy lately.  And I've been so busy with life that I haven't had time to really process it all and think about and accept the realities of where my life is.

I am so thankful to have my friends who, even though they may be literally at a distance, they are dependable and insightful and full of hugs, and I couldn't ask for a better support system.  Sometimes you need to have people who aren't directly involved or personally involved to help hold you up when you're weak.

I am thankful that I am healthy and strong (despite the current cold).  I am thankful that those who live in my house are healthy.  I am thankful for the roof over my head and my job and T's job.  We have food in the fridge and clothes in our closets for the coming cooler weather.

But sometimes the weight of all the other things is heavy.  Sometimes there is no way to "fix" things.  Sometimes, just sometimes there is a lot of muddling through and hoping for the best.  Sometimes there isn't the energy to do it all and so a compromise is made within our own hearts.

Grief and guilt.  Both hard emotions to deal with.  They can be intertwined or separate.  Both can bring you to your knees while you scream "UNCLE!"  Both can be a direct result of something you did or unrelated to anything you had a hand in - but those emotions are real nonetheless.  And you can't run away from them.  You must acknowledge them.  There may be no solution.  I'm trying to remember that life is not about solutions.  It's about the journey.