A question

I have a question. Not a totally serious, deep question but a question nonetheless.

The 10yo has a friend who she loves to hang out with. I like this girl. She's a good kid. Her mom is a single, working mom who has given both her kids (the older sister is 15) cell phones. For Christmas they all got iPhones (3G). So there's some indulging going on but it's not over the top year round. Anyway, when she comes over here it seems that she wants to be envied because she calls other friends and texts people. They go hang out in my girl's room. But my girl isn't part of these conversations and is just sitting there watching her guest talk to someone else. Which doesn't seem to bother my girl but it bothers me and T.

So my question is: should I mention this to her mom? Who, by the way, is a really nice lady. I would like to have her come over to hang out but I don't like the situation that I know will happen. Or do I just tell her friend that she's being rude? (I hate parenting other people's kids though.)

Another thing is that if she's not on the phone she is pretty open to doing fun things with all my girls. When she's on the phone, the 10yo and her friend are very exclusive and refuse to all the other two around - which then makes me have to get involved and then I get grumpy.

So what would you do?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Comments

  1. BrookeFebruary 7, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    i got nothing. sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MelissaFebruary 7, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    I will preface this with a reminder that I'm not a parent, but I would definitely say something to the mom. It seems pretty rude to go to someone's house and then just stay on the phone texting other people. Hmmm, this makes me think about my use of my own iPhone at times.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *Lissa*February 7, 2011 at 6:14 PM

    Oh man, that's a tough one. I sometimes worry that my daughter is like that, although she does not have a fancy iPhone, just a shitty hand-me-down. I think the Mom should be the one to say something to her, so maybe just tell her it concerns you? In a nice way?

    ReplyDelete
  4. BariFebruary 7, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    I would mention something to the mom along the lines of B not having a phone & feeling left out when her daughter is texting her other friends. Maybe tell her you are going to implement a "no phones" rule when the girls are playing together. It's definitely a sticky situation. If you feel comfortable talking to the girl, let her know that phones need to be put away when they are hanging out. You don't have a problem with her bringing it over but it needs to stay in her pocket.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jade @ Tasting GraceFebruary 7, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    As you know, I'm not a momma, so I don't know how much this advice is worth...but maybe you could have a talk with your daughter and give her an opportunity to manage the friendship herself. Perhaps ask her what she thinks about it (if you haven't already). It might be that deep down she feels neglected but didn't want to say anything to her friend, afraid to upset her. Or it might be that she is curious about the conversations and likes listening in. Then talk to her about how it's not really a polite thing to do and give her a chance to respond and maybe talk together about how she might handle the situation (hopefully talking to her friend about not doing that). That way, you're not parenting the other friend or "butting in" and potentially embarrassing her, but giving her the opportunity to assert herself.

    Then, if that doesn't work, maybe talk to the mom about it?

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    Hmmmm. I'd make a "house rule" first about cell phone usage. You have the right to have rules about stuff like that. Then, if she can't follow the rules, I'd say something to the mom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Christie O.February 8, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    Oh man, this is one that our parents never had to deal with!! LMAO! i think making a "house rule" woud be awesome. think back to our dialy phone days when we were kids, my parents would FREAK if i was on the phone while my friends were over. this is just an updated version of that. No phones, you could even make it fun and leave a phone basket on the counter for everyone's phones. If they ask, say it's house rules, spend time with each other not the phones and talk about what it was like when you were a kid and manners and all of that. i would be old fashioned about it! then again, i will totally be the mom who walked in the snow for a mile mom and I don't have a problem with it LOL. i don't know. i'm not there yet so i could just be talkin out my ass, but i think house rule is a nice blankety way of dealing with it. of course, i do not know what the backlash (if any) there would be (would the friend stop coming over?) But still. I don't like where this whole phone thing is going anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  8. KirstenFebruary 8, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    I actually ended up doing what Jade suggested before she suggested it. And my girl said that it didn't bother her...until I said that *I* felt it was rude. Then she got quiet. I might mention it to her mom the next time she comes over - just because I'd like to know if my kid was being a rude kid. Thanks for the input everyone.

    I'd go with house rules, except for the fact that my kids don't have phones, so it would be singling the friend out.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mommy MoFebruary 8, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    I would tell the 10 yr old that you have a rule in your house- no cell phones and no texting and I would totally make her give you her phone when she walks through the door and then hand it back when she is leaving.

    Yep, that's would I do!

    ReplyDelete

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