Loss

A couple days ago I was on Facebook. Periodically I check out the list of recommended people I should be friends with. Most of the time I see people I recognize but not ones that I feel compelled to "friend." I noticed one of those people was someone I thought was on my friend list. She had been at one point. Though honestly I was closer to her husband than her, but we would talk and get along when our families got together. T still hangs out with the husband on their "boys night out." I was amused, for lack of a better word, by her unfriending me. But the more I sit with that fact, the more I realize how much I miss my friend. How much his presence meant (means) to me. It's sad when you lose a friend. Someone you trust. It's been a year and a half since things went astray.

I've talked about this before. But I don't let people into my heart unless they are deserving. It hurts too much too often to let people be close. Being in my heart means you have my unwavering support. That I've got your back. That I feel we can be honest with each other. But it also means that I can be hurt. Hurt by words and actions. Or by the lack of either.

I don't wish that our conversation never happened. I only wish that it didn't lead to the absence of you in my life. Because you making the choice between your family and my friendship means you have integrity. And I have always admired your integrity.

So for the foreseeable future I will treasure the memories and try again to forget the loss.

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