It's been a while
since I've bared my soul to you beautiful peeps out there who keep coming back to my blog to look at my pictures every week. I haven't felt much like sharing when life has wavered between status quo and feeling like there's nothing really to talk about and having so much to talk about but not feeling right sharing it out in the public eye.
But I've been floundering for some time. I've been struggling as my role as learning facilitator with my girls. I'm questioning whether or not I'm doing enough with them and guiding them in the way I should be. I wonder if I'm doing more damage by keeping them home than by letting them go. Part of it is I'm scared to let them go. The schools here aren't great. I don't want them to be complacent with their learning. I don't want them to go to schools (Nevada is at the bottom of the list when it comes to education) that can't thrive because of the lack of viewing that education is importance by the state and are becoming more test centered in order to look better on paper. That is not an education. I want my kids to learn how to think. I'm trying, and most of the time I think I'm succeeding. But then I begin to question whether or not I'm reinforcing things enough for them to sink in...as they would be in a traditional classroom. I'm looking at having 3 at home with me in the fall as Sweet Pea starts kindergarten. This thought overwhelms me because as my older two have gotten older and their school work load has gotten heavier, they actually seem to need me more. How am I going to work with Sweet Pea on learning to read and give her the undivided attention she needs in order to get a good base and try to have proper oversight with the older two? And emotionally kindergarten was a tough transition for the older two. They have all gone to preschool and so to bring them home - even though they love being home - they have missed that slow transition from 75% social to 50% social in kindergarten - and instead gone from 75% social to 100% social within the family.
Honestly? I feel like I'm failing them. Even knowing what I do about the education system in Nevada, I still feel like I'm not giving them enough. But I don't have much more to give. Would sending them to a traditional school help? Would it give them the knowledge to *choose* to want to be home? Or would it send them down the path of school being a social thing. Because it is, but at the same time, it's not *supposed* to be...not in my mind.
This transfers into other areas as well that I'm not ready to delve into.
Maybe this is just one of those times where I need a change because I have been so used to change growing up. I've surpassed my timeframe for major change.
In my heart I feel like continuing to keep them home for school is doing right by them, but then I wonder if my head is on straight.
But I've been floundering for some time. I've been struggling as my role as learning facilitator with my girls. I'm questioning whether or not I'm doing enough with them and guiding them in the way I should be. I wonder if I'm doing more damage by keeping them home than by letting them go. Part of it is I'm scared to let them go. The schools here aren't great. I don't want them to be complacent with their learning. I don't want them to go to schools (Nevada is at the bottom of the list when it comes to education) that can't thrive because of the lack of viewing that education is importance by the state and are becoming more test centered in order to look better on paper. That is not an education. I want my kids to learn how to think. I'm trying, and most of the time I think I'm succeeding. But then I begin to question whether or not I'm reinforcing things enough for them to sink in...as they would be in a traditional classroom. I'm looking at having 3 at home with me in the fall as Sweet Pea starts kindergarten. This thought overwhelms me because as my older two have gotten older and their school work load has gotten heavier, they actually seem to need me more. How am I going to work with Sweet Pea on learning to read and give her the undivided attention she needs in order to get a good base and try to have proper oversight with the older two? And emotionally kindergarten was a tough transition for the older two. They have all gone to preschool and so to bring them home - even though they love being home - they have missed that slow transition from 75% social to 50% social in kindergarten - and instead gone from 75% social to 100% social within the family.
Honestly? I feel like I'm failing them. Even knowing what I do about the education system in Nevada, I still feel like I'm not giving them enough. But I don't have much more to give. Would sending them to a traditional school help? Would it give them the knowledge to *choose* to want to be home? Or would it send them down the path of school being a social thing. Because it is, but at the same time, it's not *supposed* to be...not in my mind.
This transfers into other areas as well that I'm not ready to delve into.
Maybe this is just one of those times where I need a change because I have been so used to change growing up. I've surpassed my timeframe for major change.
In my heart I feel like continuing to keep them home for school is doing right by them, but then I wonder if my head is on straight.
This is definitely a tough issue. I'm sure you are doing right by them, because knowing you, you wouldn't have it any other way. I don't even begin to know the first thing about homeschooling. I think it's pretty rare in Michigan, especially since we have so many other options (public, christian, charter) but I know I would struggle, too. I can't begin to know how I would teach the stuff my kids are learning now, as 8th graders. I definitely give you a lot of credit.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel about surpassing your major change timeframe. I am struggling with that a lot.
ReplyDeleteI don't know a lot about homeschooling, only to know that I couldn't ever do it. I love my children dearly, but omg, I do need some "me" time too. Having them go to public school allows me to encourage them to think beyond school and truly find their interests and passions. If I was homeschooling them every day, I don't know that I would be the same way.
Plus, I don't have the patience, nor the memory to teach. Helping my daughter with her 6th grade math makes me want to jump out a window.
You are doing right by them. No question. If you feel something is lacking, maybe you need to find something to add in - easier said than done. Maybe there's a nonacademic activity that would make you feel like there getting that missing piece. Just talking out my a$$ here.
ReplyDeleteBut with preschool, sleepovers, gymnastics, etc. - I'm sure they are getting enough 'socialization' - which I agree isn't the purpose of school.
Have some faith in yourself, sister. I'm quite certain you're doing an admirable job with the kids. And it sounds like it's working. I think if it wasn't working, you'd be honest enough with yourself. Sure you have your up days and down days, but in the post it sounds like it's mostly up. So don't go chasing spectres, my dear.
ReplyDeleteAre there resources in your community you can use too, to provide educational/social experiences for your kids? The oldest is probably a little too young for community college classes, but I think by high school that could be an option. But maybe some local art or photography classes? Or church activities/volunteering? And they're still doing gymnastics and swimming, right? I don't think being in school necessarily provides them with a "better" social experience - for when else in life are you only communicating with age mates? As long as they do have a few friends they can see regularly, I think in general it helps most to be in situations where you learn how to interact with all different ages.
Anyway, that's just my opinion, but I do hope it helps you worry just a little bit less.
I don't know very much about homeschooling, and I know that you are doing the online school (my apologies for oversimplifying), but could you somehow found someone to co-teach with? I've heard of homeschoolers who actually have "classes" with other homeschoolers.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're struggling with the decision, but I know that you can't go wrong because you have their best interests at heart.
I have no doubt you are doing the best for your girls. I wish I had the right answer for you, too. I'm still in pre-approved enrollment mode for K1 with the charter schooling but am still doubting myself. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI've been homeschooling for 14ish years and I still ask myself these same questions but then I look at how my older son has turned out vs some of his "non-homeschooled" friends and I KNOW that I am doing the right things! Sometimes the best thing to do when you are feeling this way is to sit back and BREATHE!! Take a deep breath and realize how much better your girls are because of what you do with them daily. Also realize that your girls are getting the best of both world because you homeschool them....socialization of the "right" kind and time with you to get a GOOD education.
ReplyDeleteWhat curriculum do you use? I'm a very eclectic homeschooler and use LOTS of different ones! Let me know if you need anything along the way or if you just want to vent....I'm a great listener!