Truth

Remembering the days of carefree and few responsibilities. The days where you couldn't wait to be "grown up" and be taken seriously by the adults in your life. Striving for that moment of acceptance. Proving that you were capable and self-sufficient.

The time is so fleeting that we have and yet we waste it trying to be something we aren't. Trying to succeed. Trying to gain acceptance. Trying to grow up and be more than we are.

And then we get there. We wake up one day and wonder how we got here. All those life experiences we powered through because we needed to check mark them. And then we look back and wonder if checkmarking those boxes was as important as we thought they were. If remembering to live in the moment instead of wishing the time away. Looking for the next goal, the next milestone to reach.

What happened to our desire to live in the moment? When we spent the time looking around at the moment in time we are living. And truly appreciating *that* moment.

I am 35. I don't have trouble with turning certain ages. I never have. Thirty-five sounds so weird to me. I have always prided myself on trying to live in the moment and enjoy it, because this one moment will end. Always. Be it a happy moment in time as sharing a hug with someone you love or a moment where your kids are melting down and you want to run away because of the overwhelmingness of the moment.

Thirty-five. I didn't acknowledge my birthday here this year. It felt insignificant. It was just another day. I got cake...which is all I ever want on my birthday. I don't need presents. Just cake. My mom and my girls made me chocolate cake. It was delicious. I spent it surrounded by family. It was a good day.

Thirty-five. What do I want from this year? I want to continue to honor myself and who I am, not only as defined by others in my life, but to honor who *I* am. To honor myself in this journey of life. To appreciate the good I have and accept the changes that life brings my way. To know that if I am being true to myself then whatever happens is supposed to happen. To fight for what is true to my heart. What is best for not only me but knowing if I honor myself that I will be in the best possible position to care for my family in the way they deserve to be cared for.

As a mother we tend to give 100% of ourselves to our kids. Because it's the "right" thing to do. To be selfless and martyr-ish. I did that for many years and realized that I was denying a part of myself that I needed to bring back to the light. My kids deserve to know they are important but also know that my world doesn't revolve 100% around them. I *am* 100% there for them of they need me but I don't wait around for them to need me.

Running is mine. It's part of who I am. Who I have always been even when I wasn't running. There are things that belong to me that no one can take away from me. I am the one in control of what I receive. If I press the mute button on my voice, then I am denying who I am. I am denying that not only am I somebody's wife, somebody's mother, somebody's sister, somebody's daughter, but I am first and foremost Kirsten. I am me. I have always been me. I always will be me. I am those other descriptions but I *am* me.

I am the woman who has opinions and thoughts that can only be expressed through my voice. Through the lens of my life. Through my eyes. No one can take that lens from me. It is mine to own.



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