Running

My running...mmmm.  I think I've talked about this before.  It was probably last fall when I was "training" for Goofy.  You know...that little 39.3 miles in two days.  The race that I felt amazing at the end of - exhausted - but amazing.  I've lost my running mojo.  Granted I'm still running about two days a week right now and decent miles at that, but my drive is gone.  

I know part of why I refound my love in running 6 years ago was because I needed something just for me.  Something for me to own.  Something to be proud of that was mine.  I can't tell you how tiresome it got to always be referred to as somebody's mother, somebody's daughter, somebody's wife, somebody's sister.  Running was mine.  Especially when I felt like I needed to maintain to keep others motivated.  When I came up with the idea of participating in Team in Training with Shrinking Jeans, I had a group of women who really hadn't run much, if at all, before choosing to jump on the half marathon bandwagon.  I took my leadership role as a relatively experienced runner quite seriously.  In a way I thought I had to prove that was I worthy.  Now that I type that, it sounds fairly pathetic, but I needed to be needed by someone who I didn't have to clean up after. :)  These women that joined Team in Training became good friends.  And most are still running after all these years.  

So as I signed up for a local half marathon race series last month, and I planned out my long runs, I wonder what the hell I was thinking.  My life is so completely different now that it was a couple years ago.  My drive to hit that sub-2-hour half marathon?  Gone.  One day maybe I'll get there, but right now I know I don't have the desire to train as hard as I would need to train in order to reach that goal.  Right now my goal is run 2-3 days a week (although I haven't run three days a week in *months*) and enjoy the miles.  I haven't had a runner's high on a training run in who knows how long.  I definitely had it at the DisneyWorld marathon.  And I ran 12 mm.  Not fast by any means, but I felt good and I was happy and I was achieving a goal.  

I should run tomorrow.  Just a measly few miles.  I'm not making any promises, but I'm going to try.  There is limited time in the day and I already don't get enough sleep.  Burning both ends of the candle is exhausting (worth it to get to be available to the girls when necessary), but it's still exhausting.  

I have LOVED watching other newbies and former newbies pick up running and fall in love with training and racing and see them achieve goals and get faster and just become great in their own ways.  

For now, I will try to get out as much as possible and enjoy the miles, so in 30-40 years I'm still running.